Why I am

To those of you who know or who have known me, I hope this gives you insight into my life. I do not write to offend or change anyone other than myself. My life's goal for now and always is to better myself and be the man I know I am capable of. By expressing my feelings, thoughts, desires, hopes, paradigms, and perceptions with you, I hope that you can appreciate the power you individually and collectively possess.
As a man I am not unique. My challenges have been faced by many others before me. My joys and pains have been experienced by many, many others. The talents I have are great, but just as with everything else there are others who have possessed similar talents and nurtured them far more.
What I DO POSSESS UNIQUELY is what I have collectively taken from it all. I have been into MY darkest abyss imaginable. I had created my own hell on earth, however I am willing and actively pursuing the heaven I want to live in. I am 23 years old feeling as though I were 73. I want to LOVE life, not endure it. I want to smile and serve others, not be bitter and seek endlessly to serve myself.
This creation of heaven is not a destination, but a slow and gradual transformation. Just as consistency determines the true change of heart and mind, I am consistently trying to bring happiness and true joy into my life. I am not stating that the choices to change cannot be immediate, but what I am stating is that the long term results of happiness and true joy, can and often are, slower to manifest themselves.
(I love metaphors so be patient.) As the sun rises at in the morning, the rays are soft, soothing, and warming. They are still subtle, but beginning to bring light. Over the next few hours the increase in energy is so gradual that it often goes unnoticed, until it is mid-day and the world can be seen in full light. I have experienced this lately and slowly, but surely my quality of life is improving and the joys are truly becoming joyous. Celebrations are worth celebrating. Partings are worth mourning. Moments are worth cherishing. Life is worth living.
I hope this is an appropriate start to anyone who takes the time to read my ramblings, but thank you none-the-less. I promise there will be more "meat" in my future writings. For now I want to begin simply documenting.