I got these for you.

I told you if you had been with me, I would have picked them for you. I wished you had been there!

It isn't the past I am reminiscing of, but the future I want with all of my heart. Perhaps its just the opportunity to know? Please don't be scared or overwhelmed. I don't know how to do this either. I am scared of so much. This big bear persona I've created is childlike with trust and tenderness. With what I am I promise to never hurt you, but to use it to better your life. I will defend and fight for you to my last breath. I never want to hurt you.

I remember both of us being young, but I saw you as my princess. I will never change that. 

I am giving you the most vulnerable emotions I have. I am reaching out to you with both hands. You haven't let me show you because you are fulfilling your prior promises, with integrity. I admire that. These feelings aren't urgent, to be answered immediately. These are feelings that will continue as long as there is some hope. I used to be all about immediacy and my timeline until I realized its not about me. I will wait as long as there is hope. 

I instead hope one day you will give me that resolution. I want real though, all of it. I want real life- all the time, even-when-its-not-beautiful.  I want the better part to my life- "sugar-coated. serene. harsh. painful, like an eyelash-stuck-in-your-eye-kind-of-annoyingly-painful." I want to share my world with you and you to share yours with me. 

I always know what to say and how to say it but I am finding myself at a loss for words. I always wonder what you are doing... I know I don't fit in your life right now. I know you have so much going on. 

But what if you were created for me? What if I was created for you?

You deserve to honored and appreciated. You deserve an equal.  I know of your dedication. I know of your drive. I know more than you think. I care for you. 

How you may ask? Your freedom and your expression? Your heart and your mind? Yes, yes, and you are beautiful, gorgeous, talented, gifted, dedicated, rare, loving, and kind. But there is more! Is it because YOU stop time for me and are always in my thoughts? Yes, Yes, that too, but what has touched my heart and borne truth to my soul is your words. The same words you use to vent, describe, color-your-life, reach out with, cry, love deeply, express your fondest dreams and memories, sarcastically combat the world, touch lives, breathe beauty into life, and understand yourself better. Those same words are what I share with you. 

Those words... 

What I will have one days is beautiful. 

"i can guarantee that it will be beautiful. not perfect but beautiful.

beautiful with people. beautiful with life. beautiful with family game-nights that turn into competitions paralleling in magnitude with the next world war.

beautiful with crayola-fied hardwood floors and tragically burnt lasagnas.
beautiful with birthday parties and free flying pinata bats careening towards windows.

beautiful with prom dresses hiked-up a little too high for their father's liking and shoes that make their legs look much sexier than an eighteen-year-olds should. 

beautiful with age. and beautiful with loving. and learning. and all those sweet, sweet lullaby's" 

I would never ask for perfection, only the willingness to find the beautiful. 

beautiful with respect. beautiful with understanding, beautiful with passion.

beautiful with crazy schedules. beautiful with accomplishments. and BEAUTIFUL with Failures. 

beautiful with muddy feet and dirty counters. beautiful with small hand-print streaked glass. 

beautiful with hard work and eager hands. beautiful with hard work and obedient hands.

beautiful with dirty-grimy-scraped-daring little hands.

beautiful with strong hands and with soft delicate hands. 

beautiful with days of chaos and moments of silence. 

beautiful with belonging and acceptance. beautiful with life.

beautiful with an inseparable love. beautiful through hardships and ugly moments. beautiful for no-reason. 

beautiful with the first embarrassed kiss of a young heart. beautiful with the first crush. beautiful with awkward moments. 

beautiful with another, beautiful with the hope of eternity.

Beautiful is as beautiful as we want to see, and then who we share it with.  

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