How much more difficult is it for a person to be happy when they feel ill? How fulfilled can an achievement be when there is emotional suffering? I say the expressions of the heart are a culmination of the mind, body, and spirit, succinctly. The ability to recognize and want to help a sufferer up is the pure humanity we are innately given, but the choice to actually help another less fortunate is where the cultivation of the heart and soul lies.
The worth of one person is invaluable for their ability to be and do anything. In pondering on the influence individual men and women have had on the history of the world, there are those who in their heart and entire soul cried out for equality, love, or freedom. There ability to thrive and perpetuate their cause was because of the unwavering commitment to the infallible, intangible knowledge that their hearts, THEIR VERY SOULS, THEIR ENTIRE BEING saw the humanity in others. They chose light and love. They chose to reach out and enlighten and empower others to and with, love.
Life is SO FRAGILE! I have the opportunity of volunteering in the Emergency Room weekly and it helps me put a different perspective in my life. I see so much pain! I see so much compassion! I see reverence and anger. I see hearts laid bare to seemingly unsurmountable loss. I see love. For it all, I love my family alittle more, I love complete strangers alittle more, I love those who have dedicated their lives to helping others alittle more. I love those who suffer alittle more. I am able to love alittle more and alittle deeper.
Last week was rough for me. I ran the length of a full marathon through Zion National Park, worked a 40 hour shift, (Yes, 40 hours straight with little sleep) found out I was singing a solo this upcoming week, sought to make restitution and ask forgiveness of a person I deeply offended, and volunteered in the ER. Out of everything I did, there was one moment that touched me far more than the rest. Its a moment that will have a lasting effect on me, forever.
While I was volunteering I noticed there was a drawn curtain in one of the trauma rooms. I also noticed the room was being widely avoided by all of the nurses and doctors. I went in to see why the feelings of trepidation were present.
Immediately I felt a sense of loss. A man in his late 40's had been riding a motorcycle and was hit by a semi- truck. His body was broken. There was blood everywhere. There were tubes running out of his chest, mouth, and arms. He was in pieces. His mouth agape. I expected to see his chest rise and fall. I expected at any moment he would get up and continue his fight for life, but I knew he would not.
As I stood there alone in the trauma room I had feelings I hadn't felt in years. I remembered my own little blonde hair, blue eyed, vibrant, dynamic, courageous little brother lying on the cold steel of the operating room after drowning. I vividly recalled my willing him back to life, to no avail. I remembered seeing his little 2 year old body getting cold and inflexible. My heart was broken.
I recalled 6 years later when my best friend was doing what his parents taught him and was serving those around him. I remember the best of him, which was all of him. I remember him on the bitterly unrelenting and seemingly mocking steel of the trauma room table. Again the cold steel in the Emergency Room had won. I had to leave another one of the closest relationships I had known on that steel gurney. Again, my heart was ripped from my chest. In an appropriate comparison, my soul left me empty. Physically, I was still there. Mentally, I still possessed the same capacity to reason and think. But my spirit!!!! My spirit was wounded deeply. My HEART, MY SOUL, was wracked with incomprehensible pain. It took years and more pain to realize I needed to heal. The only way I was able to heal was through my Savior, Jesus Christ...
And then I was back in the trauma room in the hospital. My recollections were done. My heart ached not for the man I saw before me, but his family. Regardless of what life this man lived, it was final. Regardless of what he had said or done, who he had loved or offended, it was final in this life. I stayed in the room for a few minutes trying to piece my thoughts back together then went back to my volunteer work.
As quickly as that I realized the frailties of life. I realized the fragility of life. I realized how each moment we live is borrowed from our creator anyway. Regardless of how much control we feel we have, He is the only one. I realized that I had not told my own father how much he means to me. I realized I had not told my mother how special she is to my life. I realized that I take too many moments for granted.
I promise that it is possible to love alittle deeper, care alittle more, show you care alittle more, be alittle better than the day before. So when in our final moments here on earth we can reflect on our life and know we lived with love. We, you and I, lived with love.
I pray daily that those who need love will find it. I pray for those who are hurt and broken, to come to Christ and be healed. I pray that the addicted can find freedom, empowerment, and strength. I pray that the angry and hurt can find forgiveness. I pray that all can find true happiness. I know that Jesus Christ is the means by which I have found mine. I testify He is the only way I could have been healed. Truly surrender your will and He will make you infinitely more powerful and happy in His plan. "Thy Will Be Done."
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