Keep on truckin'

Look forward to a new day and a bright tomorrow rather than looking back at the darkness of the past we have left. Learn from it, but don't dwell on it. 


Your future will be your current thoughts. 


Live without fear of uncertainty, knowing God will provide.


Life is so good!

Have it all! ish...

Can you have it  all? 

Can everything be awesome all the time?

Can you do two things that are directly opposed?

Short answer- No
Long answer- Yes, kinda...

It all matters how you set it up, how you really want to do it.

If you want to live life fast, you probably will. If you REALLY want to live a life of luxury, you will find a way to get it- albeit hard work being the best way.  If you want a life that is less stressful- DO IT!!! there are healthy ways to manage busy, there are healthy and productive ways to get A LOT done. If you want to run ragged always, you will.

The first step is self-awareness. If you can figure out what you are capable of, what set you off, what makes you tick, what really makes you happy- then the rest is simply making small decisions to stay away from the extremes and find a good balance.

If you want a life where love and happiness is present, do the kinds of things that bring it, but have the self-worth to be selective with whom you share it.  If you don't see your worth then how can you expect someone else to?

If you live for another's happiness who will take care of yours? I heard a phrase that has always stuck with me- "Never give another person your whole heart to hold, because they will inevitably drop it. Instead, let them share with you your soul." Give of your yourself, but not yourself- your identity. It is absolutely possible to create an identity together, but it is the product of TWO SEPARATE people wanting and sharing their dream. 

Yes, they will see the good and bad, the ugly and the beautiful, happy and sad sides of you, but adversely you will see the same of them. People are powerful, happy, motivated, and beautiful, wicked, dark, and hurtful, but mostly they are fallible. Rarely do we intend to intend to let our emotions get the best of us, but sometimes...

SO..... Can you have it all? yes, kinda... IF you-

1. Want it- Really WANT it. 
2. Decide the gains outweigh the risks
3. Pay the price
4. JUST DO IT!!!! -Nike had it soooo right when they came up with that slogan. (Sometimes we have the control we want. Sometimes we have no control, but if we JUST DO IT- we can learn and adjust accordingly. The act then is a testament of your desire and consistency. Its so much easier to be consistent 100% of the time then 98% or 89% because the decision has already been made. You JUST DO IT!
5. Be willing to accept responsibility and consequences- good and bad.
6. Learn the whole time.

Here is the "kinda"-

What if you want two things that are opposing? You must choose. Decide what you really want and then go after it.

Hmmm....

I love my life and things are good. I wont pretend they are easy, but they are good. I wish the same for feelings for everyone.

If you do the same thing you have always done, you will get the same thing you have always got. And until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you wont change anything.

So- If you are unhappy, figure out why and change it. If you are angry or hurt, forgive. If you are stressed and anxious, come back to what really matters.

One of the most beautiful parts of life is CHANGE!  Its inevitable, and its as great as you want it to be.

Fairytales are as real as WE make em

Ever just had a wonderful day? The kind of day that for no special reason is perfect?

Ever had the day when the sun shines bright, the clouds float lazily past, the temperature is perfect, with a light breeze that brings a cool relief to slightly warm sun? 

A day that you wake up slow, with nothing in particular to do? 

A day that you get to listen to good music and meet new people?

A day where you get something accomplished, but it wasn't something that HAD to happen? 

A day when you feel blessed just because you can, do, and be who you want  to be and that makes you happy? 

A day when your dad says "I love you" or someone you have sought forgiveness from, accepts?

A day when you see the progress you have made in life and you realize that  YOU can do ANYTHING!?

A day when people are friendly because they are happy too?

A day that makes all those ugly, overcast, hard, long, frustrating, painful, hurtful, wasted, days SEEM like a lifetime ago?

A day that you feel so confident and happy that you know it will all work out in the end? (Even though THE END seems like A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME to wait for)

A day that you get things straight in your head?

WELL, I AM HAVING A DAY LIKE THAT!

I have been consistently happier in the last few months than I ever have been in my life and today is another day that I feel lucky to be alive. 

I PROMISE IF YOU WANT IT AND PUT IN THE EFFORT TO REALLY CHANGE TO GET IT, YOU CAN!!!!

Not to sound trivial or trite, but regardless of your perception I know this fact to be true- The world is at YOUR FINGERTIPS, NOW!

I am living my fairytale and although I am missing a few components, life is good. I am missing you.  

I am trying to chase you, but sometimes it feels like you are pushing me away! 

Will it get better? YES, and worse! Will I stop reaching, stop trying? Nope. 

If there is something I don't know, it's when to quit.  I am tenacious, I am DRIVEN. 

I have never been happy like this, I am truly free. I hope to never stop. I wish everyone felt like this. 

I believe in fairy tales and hope one day you can again too. 

You can be as happy as you want. Stop listening to those "people/friends" who don't believe in happiness- Theirs and yours!They like being miserable. Refuse to accept condescension and hypocrisy, irreverence and fear. 

Stop living a fettered life! A life of unhappiness, and frustration!Stop being scared of the change!

Stop accepting that is "HOW IT IS!"

ITS NOT! HERE IS HOW IT IS-

LIFE IS AMAZING AND REGARDLESS OF YOUR POSITION IN LIFE YOU CONTROL YOUR ATTITUDE! YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT, YOU DESERVE TO TREAT OTHERS LIKE THAT!

Believe, Empower, Live

Live life happy!

Power and Peace

I realized when posting these how much I really do enjoy the awesome power of nature. I find solace in nature that is unique in a crazy world. I hope these pictures do justice to the feelings of power, peace, and tranquility I experienced when I took them.

I realized it wasn't the single act of nature that forms these beautiful places, but the consistent erosion by a powerful force. I hope we can all be more consistent in our endeavors and at the end of our lives, leave as  beautiful a legacy and as beautiful a place. 

Enjoy!

I got these for you.

I told you if you had been with me, I would have picked them for you. I wished you had been there!

It isn't the past I am reminiscing of, but the future I want with all of my heart. Perhaps its just the opportunity to know? Please don't be scared or overwhelmed. I don't know how to do this either. I am scared of so much. This big bear persona I've created is childlike with trust and tenderness. With what I am I promise to never hurt you, but to use it to better your life. I will defend and fight for you to my last breath. I never want to hurt you.

I remember both of us being young, but I saw you as my princess. I will never change that. 

I am giving you the most vulnerable emotions I have. I am reaching out to you with both hands. You haven't let me show you because you are fulfilling your prior promises, with integrity. I admire that. These feelings aren't urgent, to be answered immediately. These are feelings that will continue as long as there is some hope. I used to be all about immediacy and my timeline until I realized its not about me. I will wait as long as there is hope. 

I instead hope one day you will give me that resolution. I want real though, all of it. I want real life- all the time, even-when-its-not-beautiful.  I want the better part to my life- "sugar-coated. serene. harsh. painful, like an eyelash-stuck-in-your-eye-kind-of-annoyingly-painful." I want to share my world with you and you to share yours with me. 

I always know what to say and how to say it but I am finding myself at a loss for words. I always wonder what you are doing... I know I don't fit in your life right now. I know you have so much going on. 

But what if you were created for me? What if I was created for you?

You deserve to honored and appreciated. You deserve an equal.  I know of your dedication. I know of your drive. I know more than you think. I care for you. 

How you may ask? Your freedom and your expression? Your heart and your mind? Yes, yes, and you are beautiful, gorgeous, talented, gifted, dedicated, rare, loving, and kind. But there is more! Is it because YOU stop time for me and are always in my thoughts? Yes, Yes, that too, but what has touched my heart and borne truth to my soul is your words. The same words you use to vent, describe, color-your-life, reach out with, cry, love deeply, express your fondest dreams and memories, sarcastically combat the world, touch lives, breathe beauty into life, and understand yourself better. Those same words are what I share with you. 

Those words... 

What I will have one days is beautiful. 

"i can guarantee that it will be beautiful. not perfect but beautiful.

beautiful with people. beautiful with life. beautiful with family game-nights that turn into competitions paralleling in magnitude with the next world war.

beautiful with crayola-fied hardwood floors and tragically burnt lasagnas.
beautiful with birthday parties and free flying pinata bats careening towards windows.

beautiful with prom dresses hiked-up a little too high for their father's liking and shoes that make their legs look much sexier than an eighteen-year-olds should. 

beautiful with age. and beautiful with loving. and learning. and all those sweet, sweet lullaby's" 

I would never ask for perfection, only the willingness to find the beautiful. 

beautiful with respect. beautiful with understanding, beautiful with passion.

beautiful with crazy schedules. beautiful with accomplishments. and BEAUTIFUL with Failures. 

beautiful with muddy feet and dirty counters. beautiful with small hand-print streaked glass. 

beautiful with hard work and eager hands. beautiful with hard work and obedient hands.

beautiful with dirty-grimy-scraped-daring little hands.

beautiful with strong hands and with soft delicate hands. 

beautiful with days of chaos and moments of silence. 

beautiful with belonging and acceptance. beautiful with life.

beautiful with an inseparable love. beautiful through hardships and ugly moments. beautiful for no-reason. 

beautiful with the first embarrassed kiss of a young heart. beautiful with the first crush. beautiful with awkward moments. 

beautiful with another, beautiful with the hope of eternity.

Beautiful is as beautiful as we want to see, and then who we share it with.  

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The fragility of life

I have often marveled at the simple complexity of life. What is the heart of a person? Why the attribution of emotion to an uncontrollable muscle? Is it not requisite that all the organs function in order to live and breath? The "heart" I have deduced is the soul. When my "heart" aches, is pained, elated, or exuberant, it is because the soul is expressing my current place. When I am humble and teachable, my heart is receptive to the more touching and intuitive feelings of others. Adversely, when I am proud, critical, judgmental, and overall haughty, I am left to my own lonely devices. I willingly separate myself from the need of others. I willingly isolate and alienate myself until I can no longer stand the feeling of loneliness.

How much more difficult is it for a person to be happy when they feel ill? How fulfilled can an achievement be when there is emotional suffering? I say the expressions of the heart are a culmination of the mind, body, and spirit, succinctly. The ability to recognize and want to help a sufferer up is the pure humanity we are innately given, but the choice to actually help another less fortunate is where the cultivation of the heart and soul lies.

The worth of one person is invaluable for their ability to be and do anything. In pondering on the influence individual men and women have had on the history of the world, there are those who in their heart and entire soul cried out for equality, love, or freedom. There ability to thrive and perpetuate their cause was because of the unwavering commitment to the infallible, intangible knowledge that their hearts, THEIR VERY SOULS, THEIR ENTIRE BEING saw the humanity in others. They chose light and love. They chose to reach out and enlighten and empower others to and with, love.

Life is SO FRAGILE! I have the opportunity of volunteering in the Emergency Room weekly and it helps me put a different perspective in my life. I see so much pain! I see so much compassion! I see reverence and anger. I see hearts laid bare to seemingly unsurmountable loss. I see love. For it all, I love my family alittle more, I love complete strangers alittle more, I love those who have dedicated their lives to helping others alittle more. I love those who suffer alittle more. I am able to love alittle more and alittle deeper.

Last week was rough for me. I ran the length of a full marathon through Zion National Park, worked a 40 hour shift, (Yes, 40 hours straight with little sleep) found out I was singing a solo this upcoming week, sought to make restitution and ask forgiveness of a person I deeply offended, and volunteered in the ER. Out of everything I did, there was one moment that touched me far more than the rest. Its a moment that will have a lasting effect on me, forever.

While I was volunteering I noticed there was a drawn curtain in one of the trauma rooms. I also noticed the room was being widely avoided by all of the nurses and doctors. I went in to see why the feelings of trepidation were present.

Immediately I felt a sense of loss. A man in his late 40's had been riding a motorcycle and was hit by a semi- truck. His body was broken. There was blood everywhere. There were tubes running out of his chest, mouth, and arms. He was in pieces. His mouth agape. I expected to see his chest rise and fall. I expected at any moment he would get up and continue his fight for life, but I knew he would not.

As I stood there alone in the trauma room I had feelings I hadn't felt in years. I remembered my own little blonde hair, blue eyed, vibrant, dynamic, courageous little brother lying on the cold steel of the operating room after drowning. I vividly recalled my willing him back to life, to no avail. I remembered seeing his little 2 year old body getting cold and inflexible. My heart was broken.

I recalled 6 years later when my best friend was doing what his parents taught him and was serving those around him. I remember the best of him, which was all of him. I remember him on the bitterly unrelenting and seemingly mocking steel of the trauma room table. Again the cold steel in the Emergency Room had won. I had to leave another one of the closest relationships I had known on that steel gurney. Again, my heart was ripped from my chest.  In an appropriate comparison, my soul left me empty. Physically, I was still there. Mentally, I still possessed the same capacity to reason and think. But my spirit!!!! My spirit was wounded deeply. My HEART, MY SOUL, was wracked with incomprehensible pain. It took years and more pain to realize I needed to heal. The only way I was able to heal was through my Savior, Jesus Christ...

And then I was back in the trauma room in the hospital. My recollections were done. My heart ached not for the man I saw before me, but his family. Regardless of what life this man lived, it was final. Regardless of what he had said or done, who he had loved or offended, it was final in this life. I stayed in the room for a few minutes trying to piece my thoughts back together then went back to my volunteer work.

As quickly as that I realized the frailties of life. I realized the fragility of life. I realized how each moment we live is borrowed from our creator anyway. Regardless of how much control we feel we have, He is the only one. I realized that I had not told my own father how much he means to me. I realized I had not told my mother how special she is to my life. I realized that I take too many moments for granted.

I promise that it is possible to love alittle deeper, care alittle more, show you care alittle more, be alittle better than the day before. So when in our final moments here on earth we can reflect on our life and know we lived with love. We, you and I, lived with love.

I pray daily that those who need love will find it. I pray for those who are hurt and broken, to come to Christ and be healed. I pray that the addicted can find freedom, empowerment, and strength. I pray that the angry and hurt can find forgiveness. I pray that all can find true happiness. I know that Jesus Christ is the means by which I have found mine. I testify He is the only way I could have been healed. Truly surrender your will and He will make you infinitely more powerful and happy in His plan. "Thy Will Be Done."